Review: Finntroll and the Bad Hot Dog

When I walked into the Triple Rock and discovered that another band had been added to the night’s lineup, I was psyched. I was not psyched because of the band. Definitely not. With all the generic thrash riffs and warbling female vocals they could stuff onto the stage, Archangel was definitely not my style.

No, I was psyched because I was hungry and the addition would give me enough time to enjoy a bowl of the Triple Rock’s delicious macaroni and cheese. Their mac and cheese is like no other. It’s like they harvest their cheese from the clouds of heaven and serve it with a thick slice of bread.

I chowed down and chatted with friends before heading over to the music half of the T-Rock to enjoy the old school thrash stylings of Warbringer. I could take ‘em or leave ‘em. Nothing all that special.

I was there for Finntroll, and so were all the dudes in skirts. What skirts have to do with troll metal is beyond me, but I suppose they go well enough with chainmail. Whatever the rationale, the scene was set for some triumphant dungeons and dragons style metal.

The scene was then destroyed by the singer’s constant whining about how it was the worst day ever. Comments introducing songs as being “about the evil things that live below the black waves” were undermined by griping about the stomach poisoning the singer got from that “fucking American fast food.”

Between song banter can make a difference. Every time I got sucked into a song and my mind filled with images of grabbing a spear and slaying some goddamn orks, the tune would end and the singer would go on about how he just had to have that one last hot dog.

I imagine that the commands of “I want to see some serious mosh pitting” were ineffective because they were followed by “I’ll try not to pass out, okay?” That makes sense to me. I go to this type of show because I want my head to fill with fantasies of running through caves and slitting the throats of thick-headed trolls. I want to do some serious mosh pitting to that. I do not want to do some serious mosh pitting while thinking about scrawny Finnish dudes bent over a Dairy Queen toilet barfing up pickles and mustard.

So, Finntroll, next time you come through, I recommend the Triple Rock’s mac and cheese.

(Finntroll played at the Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis on 8/31/08)