My new book is out today from Lazy Fascist Press. It’s called Nails, and I have never been so scared to share my writing with you. Here is the cover by Matthew Revert:
I’m not going to lie. This book is rough. It is not positive. There is no happy ending. Not in these pages at least.
It took me a long time to accept who I am, to accept that I am a trans woman. Along the way, I tried to convince myself that I was a crossdresser, that all I needed to do was put on women’s clothes once in a while and I would be okay.
Eventually, staying at home and crossdressing started to feel confining, not to mention lonely. I needed more time, more space. I started taking weekend trips to give myself the time and space I needed to be me, away from family and friends who I thought this would hurt, who I thought would hate me if they knew.
I always planned these weekends carefully, hoping they would be fun and triumphant, while also hoping they might let me get this nagging feeling that I was a woman out of my system. The reality is that they ended up being sad, desperate and awkward affairs that involved me doing things that were just not me in the hopes of somehow finding the real me, and someone who could see me.
Nails is a lightly fictionalized take on one of these weekends. It’s not a rah-rah-rah go trans! book. This book is not about how it gets better. This book is about the messy parts that happen along the way, about the BS that me and many other trans ladies put ourselves through because we didn’t know what to do, because there was no roadmap, because we were convinced that we were wrong and that the world didn’t want us.
This one goes out to all my sisters in the closet, and all those who have fucking fought their way out.