Kickstart Hybrid Moments: A Literary Tribute To The Misfits

My publishing company, Weirdpunk Books, is finishing up its second release, a book of short stories inspired by the songs of my favorite band of all time: the Misfits.

Check out the cover art by Justin T. Coons:

There will also be a limited edition version only for Kickstarter backers with cover art by Bill Hauser, who you know from the cover art for Berzerkoids, among other things. There is also a bunch of original art and other cool stuff for Kickstarter backers.

This is grimy, small-press stuff, so getting preorders through Kickstarter is crucial for the book to succeed. Please consider pitching in. The prices you see for the Kickstarter are not inflated. They’re actually less than what you’ll pay for the book on Amazon when it goes live, so take advantage of this deal. Plus everything comes signed.

Check out the Kickstarter.

That Book Would Make A Great Movie

Many people have told me that my books would make great movies.

This comment comes in two variations. The first is from people who have read one of my books. I love to hear the comment in this context, because it typically means that the imagery I created came to life in some way that resonated with them and they’d like to see it up on the silver screen. That is cool.

The second variation is far more disheartening. It usually plays out like this: I’m at a convention and someone stops by my table and starts flipping through one of my books. I describe it to them and their eyes light up. For a moment, I think they’re into it, they get it. But then they put the book down and say, “Sounds like a great idea for a movie,” before walking away. This is perplexing as fuck.

In either scenario, this compliment comes with the implication that having a book turned into a movie would be a step up, which makes no sense, because books are the superior art form.

Books Are Superior To Movies

It’s science, right? Reading books exercises your brain, fights off Alzheimer’s, reduces stress, helps you sleep and more. The studies are cited in this Huffington Post article, and Psychology Today ran a great piece on the specific benefits of reading fiction.

But let’s push science aside for a second and talk about what books do that movies don’t. Books are interactive. The words serve as guides for your own imagination, which does the real heavy lifting when you read. It’s your imagination that makes the author’s words come to life in your head. Furthermore, books allow you to get inside characters in a way that movies don’t. They aren’t constrained by a run time, allowing for a level of elaboration that can rarely be seen on film. There are also abstractions that cannot be accomplished within movies.

Put it this way: when was the last time a book you loved was turned into a movie and you didn’t groan and say, “The book was better”?

And I get it, reading is haaaaaaaard. You do have to put in the work and sometimes… well, a lot of times, it’s too much. I love movies too, but I acknowledge it as a more passive form of art. Still, there are things that movies can do that books can’t really do. Jump scares, everybody! Oddly enough, the movies I love the most are low budget B-movies that allow for more interaction, because they demand that you see them for what they were intended to be, rather than what the budget allowed them to be, and that creates a more active relationship, if you allow it to.

What Books Mean To Me

I went on a straight-up tirade the last time someone told me I should turn one of my books into a screenplay and have someone make it into a movie (like it’s that easy).

The bottom line is that I write because I love to write. This is my art. This is what I’ve been doing since I was a kid. Books are my end goal. They are not a stepping stone on the path to a film career. I’m not a failed filmmaker slumming in books. This is it for me. This is my thing. All of my weird little heart is in these insane books I write.

Now, I’m not saying I wouldn’t like a film made of my movie, because I would, if only because I understand the reality that the “Your book would make a great movie” comment is such clear evidence of: films have a wider audience. I would like that audience. I would also like money, because books don’t make money, mainly because people walk past them en route to movies.

If I sound bitter, whatever. I’m not. I’m passionate about what I do, and I get bummed out at all the little ways in which people poop on the art form that chose me.

Of course, none of this really matters, because everyone knows that music is truly the superior art form.

Breaking Down Berzerkoids

Berzerkoids is the book I’ve dreamed of releasing ever since I started writing short stories when I was a kid. It’s taken a long time, but it is here now, and I’m super proud of it. Under that beautiful Bill Hauser cover are some of my favorite short stories I’ve written over the years. Here are some notes on where they all came from:

Berzerkoids Are Here

I have performed this story all over the country. It’s the first story I ever wrote with performance in mind. I built it like a hardcore song, with a simple, shouted chorus that repeats throughout. This turned out to be very effective, to the point that at some of my readings I’ve noticed people in the crowd joining in when I yelled “Berzerkoids are here!”

I Summoned A Demon With A Vagina Mouth

When Bill Hauser delivered the cover art for Freak Tension #15, he was very proud of the fact that he had made the demon’s mouths look like vaginas. I was so psyched about the vagina-mouthed demon that I wrote a story about it.

Ex-Punk

I’ve been going to punk shows for more than 20 years. I still love soaking in the energy that only really comes from a live experience, but I often notice that I’m one of the oldest people at a show. It makes me wonder why people stop. Is it work and family commitments? Is it the ache in the lower back that comes from standing around all night at a shitty bar? Or is it something deeper? Is it an acknowledgement that you’re never going to feel the same way about all this as you did when you were 15? And what would it take to make it all feel fresh and new again?

Loving Arms

I’ve made no secret of my love for Charles Band and Full Moon films. In this story, that love is manifested pretty clearly in the main character, a sentient, mangled teddy bear with robot arms. Couple that with my adoration of drag queens and you’ve got an epic battle on your hands.

Hearts And Caterpillars

I went through a phase in which many of my stories were about weak men involved in bad relationships. This is odd, because at the time I was in a great relationship that really helped me grow as a person and become who I am today. But the grass is always greener, and perhaps I didn’t recognize the value of that relationship then. In this story, the main character, a sort of submissive man-child named Percy, catches his girlfriend in a weird sex triangle and finds strength with the help of an interdimensional caterpillar.

Killer Nails

I love fetishes. They intrigue the hell out of me. People can totally become captives to them, yet they are sort of empowering in that a person can feel sexual attraction in a way that few or nobody else can. And I’m not just talking about “I like boobs.” That’s not a fucking fetish. I’m talking about shoe fetishes and nylon fetishes and exercise ball fetishes. I love nail fetishes. Shit, I just love nails. I also like pop music, monsters and really gross shit. I brought it all together and created one of my sickest stories.

Looking Fab And Fighting Scabs

Most people can’t even grasp what a crossdresser is up against. There are so many external and internal forces just doing everything they can to crush a girl. This is about a crossdresser who just wants to go out and dance, but one last thing stands in the way.

I Think I’ll Donate This Severed Head To The Salvation Army

I performed this at a punk show once between bands. Someone came up to me afterward and told me I shouldn’t say “bitch.” I got really confused. Did they think this was a true story? It bummed me out that they thought I was the sort of person who would refer to a woman as a bitch. I would never. But I have no problem at all creating fictional stories about unsympathetic assholes who say all sorts of dumb ass stuff. Furthermore, I would never get rid of any of my severed heads.

Groupie

When I performed this one at a punk show in Green Bay, I noticed one audience member run out of the room when all the slicing and bleeding got really heavy. Afterward, she approached me and said, “I had to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore. I will never forget it!” That’s high praise to me.

Through Time, Knuckles First

I wanted to add a new layer to time travel in this story. What happens if you travel through time and stuff looks pretty much the same as it was? Do you just get pizza and hang out with drag queens and fight clown mobs like usual? Probably.

The Final Failure Of A Professional Small Animal Inside-Outer

This was the title story of my first non self-published standalone publication. I had done plenty of zines and self-pubbed chapbooks, and my short stories had been published in a bunch of other publications, but never before had a publisher taken a chance on a fully MP Johnson standalone thing. Cloud City Press accepted this and published it during a rough patch in my life. The fact that it came out and was pretty successful really gave me hope for the future and got me to re-focus on my writing. This story means a lot to me because of that.

Curse Of The Curse

My first censored story! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve worked slime and gross stuff into my writing. I just get so caught up in these worlds that I create that sometimes I forget that ooze and gore and whatnot is a no no for some people. The original publisher of this piece liked it, but didn’t think it needed to be quite so drippy, so I went through and toned it down. It was still fun, but not 100 percent me. Berzerkoids contains the original, uncensored version.

Record Collector Scum

Another piece exploring the world of aging punk rockers, particularly those with enough money to buy all those valuable old records. I just like writing about punk rock and punk rockers. It’s a world that means a lot to me, and I’m constantly trying to capture the energy of punk rock shows in written form. It’s probably not possible, but I’ll keep trying.

Story Of A Board

When I lived in Green Bay, I did a lot of vandalism. A lot. I don’t even want to think of how many dollars worth of property I destroyed. One night, some friends and I were out smashing stuff. I found an old board in a pile of trash and I ended up destroying a bunch of shit with it. I took the board home and started thinking about how the board felt about the whole thing. Did it like smashing? What would it really like to smash? Monsters? Yeah! So I wrote a story from the board’s perspective. I think I’ve still got that board somewhere.

Feed My Corpse To Sharks

My friends Darci and Nikki and I were driving around. Nikki started talking about shark diving. She was kind of obsessed with sharks, I think. I wanted to swim with sharks too, but maybe not quite as much. We made a pact that we would go to San Francisco and go shark diving at some point. Somehow this turned into talking about death, and dying, and I think Nikki said, “If I die, just feed my corpse to sharks.” And so I wrote this story.

The Songwriter’s Fingers

This is my favorite of all the stories I’ve written. If people read one of my stories ever, I really hope it’s this one. To me, it just really gets the mix of heart and gross just right. I was inspired to write it after reading the biography of one of my favorite country singers, Billy Joe Shaver, who lost some fingers in a mill accident. The story isn’t about him in any way, but about the recipient of those fingers, and what power they might have contained.

Rise Of The Berzerkoids

I’m super proud of “Berzerkoids Are Here,” but I also thought I could get slimier, weirder, meaner… so I did.

Bill Hauser Is An Art Maniac

Berzerkoids, my latest book, hit the stands last week. It’s been getting a lot of attention, in large part because of the gorgeous cover by artist Bill Hauser.

This is not the first Bill Hauser/MP Johnson collaboration. Check it out:

Bill and I have actually been working together for over a decade now. In the late ’90s, I started doing a zine called Freak Tension. I would distribute it by standing outside after punk rock shows and handing a copy to every punk who walked out. One of those punks was Bill Hauser. I think he got his copy after the Cro-Mags show at the Quest in Minneapolis, but I could be wrong. Some time later, he contacted me by email asking if I’d like him to do a cover for Freak Tension.

At the time, I was doing most of the covers myself, which probably goes a long way in explaining why so many people threw their copy of Freak Tension straight onto the ground when I handed it to them after a show. Even though Bill hadn’t done a whole lot of art at that point aside from his own DIY comic, Oh Crackers, I said sure, what the heck? How could it not be an upgrade? One of the best decisions I ever made.

Bill’s cover for Freak Tension #10 blew my mind. It was an intense rendition of Frankenstein that was so far beyond the typical zine cover that it was almost sacrilege to slap it onto some sleazy newsprint. When I took it to the copy shop to work on the layout, the guy working there blew a gasket over how good the art was. “It’s like some Bernie Wrightson or Michael Kaluta shit!” he squealed.

That was in 2004. Since then, Bill has done some more covers for me, as well as T-shirts, bookmarks, flyers… He’s also built a huge following for his work on punk and metal record covers by bands like Ghoul, Hirax, In Defence, Antiseen and many more. He even did a T-shirt for Ozzy Fucking Osbourne!

And now Berzerkoids:

I elbowed my way into his schedule to ask him some questions about art and Berzerkoids:

MP: Who is your favorite Berzerkoid?

BH: Picking my favorite Berzerkoid is like choosing my favorite child! I love them all! However if you came up with one that called “The Doodler” who is an artist Berzerkoid, but only draws phalluses, he would have to be my favorite!

MP: What was your inspiration when designing the Berzerkoids?

BH: My number one inspiration was the M.U.S.C.L.E. figures from the 1980’s! They were one of my all time favorite toys. I even had the little wrestling ring where you could make them fight. I would endlessly reenact the wrestling ring scene from Escape From New York with them. But really, all the great toys I grew up with were a huge inspiration to me for this project, and all of my artwork in general.

MP: How is doing a book cover different than doing a record cover?

BH: To be honest, it’s basically the same thought process. Both records and books are now sold and marketed primarily digitally, so it’s important to me to have striking images that translate well to an Amazon product page or to a record label page. Images I draw will be seen for the first time at a size of maybe 1 or 2 inches, so they have to have maximum impact at a small size. My work is very detailed, so it’s always a challenge getting it to read well.

MP: Why do you draw monsters?

BH: I’m not really sure. I started drawing at a very young age and I immediately gravitated toward things that were grotesque. I’ve always had a fascination with the abnormal and strange. I grew up in house that was pretty isolated from the outside world. I wasn’t allowed to watch much TV and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I lived in what amounted to a house sitting in the middle of a field, so I spent a lot of time completely bored out of my fucking mind! I would draw monsters and robots and alien landscapes just to have something to do.

MP: If you could time travel 20 years into the future, what would future Bill be working on?

BH: I hope I will be still be drawing record covers and merchandise for punk and metal bands! Music has always been a constant in my life, and I hope bands continue to want to work with me. I do hope, however, to be drawing more comics in the years to come. I started teaching a comic book class at The Art Academy in St. Paul, and it has reignited my love of comic books. I’m currently working on a comic book that will be released early June for the opening of a gallery exhibition of my artwork in Haarlem, Netherlands. The show is called Never Surrender! The Art of Bill Hauser, and will be the first overseas exhibition of my artwork.

MP: Who would win in a battle between Madballs and M.U.S.C.L.E. guys?

BH: Dude, seriously? I love Madballs, but there’s only like 20 or 30 of them. There are like a thousand M.U.S.C.L.E. dudes! AND, they have mad wrestling skills! The Madballs wouldn’t stand a chance!

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Berzerkoids

Berzerkoids, my fifth book and first short story collection, just came out from Bizarro Pulp Press. Take a moment to soak in the beautiful cover by Bill Hauser:

The art is based on the title story, “Berzerkoids are Here,” as well as the sequel, “Rise of the Berzerkoids.” Of course, those stories were inspired by the great toys of the ’80s, like Madballs and M.U.S.C.L.E. guys.

This is the book I’ve been dreaming about releasing since I was a kid. It’s packed with everything that I love: malicious toys, punk rock, drag queens, monsters, slime! I’m super proud of the thematic and emotional range on display in these short stories. Bizarro fiction, horror and lit are all represented here. There is plenty of gore in these pages, but there are some pieces at the close of the book that I hope will tug at your heartstrings.

Some of these pieces are appearing in these pages for the first time. Others are reprints, having originally appeared in publications as diverse as Strange Sex 2 from StrangeHouse Books and esteemed literary journal Revolver. Here is a list of the stories:

• Berzerkoids are Here
• I Summoned a Demon with a Vagina Mouth
• Ex-Punk
• Loving Arms
• Hearts and Caterpillars
• Killer Nails
• Looking Fab and Fighting Scabs
• I Think I’ll Donate this Severed Head to the Salvation Army
• Groupie
• Through Time, Knuckles First
• The Final Failure of a Professional Small Animal Inside-Outer
• Curse of the Curse
• Record Collector Scum
• Story of a Board
• Feed My Corpse to Sharks
• The Songwriter’s Fingers
• Rise of the Berzerkoids

I took a lot of time selecting these stories from the hundreds that I have written over the years and sequencing them for maximum entertainment value. I really hope you pick this one up and give it a chance.

• Buy Berzerkoids on Amazon!
• Add Berzerkoids on Goodreads!
• Support my weird books!

What Is Bizarro Fiction?

When I tell someone I write bizarro fiction, the response is usually, “What the fuck is bizarro fiction?”

That’s when I look deep into the person’s eyes and make an assessment. Is this person ready? Is this someone whose idea of crazy is an extra dessert at Applebee’s on date night? Or is this someone who can let go of normal, at least briefly, and step into a world where malls menstruate, where bubblegum pink centaur cowboys team up with machine gun-toting blowup dolls, and where masturbating astronaut walruses can incite tears?

So, before we go any deeper, let me ask you: Are you ready?

Literature’s Equivalent To The Cult Section At The Video Store

In the distant past, when people had to go to video stores to rent movies, the best stores had a cult section. This was always my favorite section. It was where the stores threw all the stuff that didn’t fit anywhere else: Troma films, David Lynch films, Alejandro Jodorowsky films, John Waters films. You know, the good stuff!

The first Bizarro Starter Kit – Eraserhead Press’s introduction to the genre – calls bizarro fiction “literature’s equivalent to the cult section at the video store.” This is fair, but it doesn’t actually describe what the books have in common, other than that they don’t have much in common with other genres. It neglects the fact that these books share a variety of traits, one of which is crucial to understanding what bizarro fiction is all about.

So It’s Horror, Right? Or Science Fiction?

Sometimes, when I’m trying to explain bizarro fiction, the person cuts me off. “It sounds like horror to me!” or “You mean sci-fi, right?”

Bizarro fiction frequently employs elements that have become hallmarks of other genres. In my writing, for example, I pull a lot of inspiration from horror. Monsters and cults and demons frequently pop up. While I enjoy using horrific imagery, I can’t call my writing horror because the motivation is different. Horror books are written with the intention of scaring readers. If my stuff comes with scares, it’s entirely incidental. I am less interested in scares and more interested in surprises. I want to elicit one “What the fuck?” after the next. Also, I just really like monsters and gross stuff. I don’t want to hide them in the shadows. I want them to be out in the bright light of day, doing surprising things.

Other bizarro writers tangle with elements of science fiction, western, romance and more. But they take these elements and turn them into something new.

One Surprise After The Next

Another frequent definition of bizarro is that it is weird. Sometimes, and often disparagingly, it will be written off as being weird for the sake of weird. That’s entirely inaccurate. Yeah, it’s weird. But it’s being weird for the sake of surprise.

The one trait that all bizarro books have in common is the element of surprise. Perhaps you’re thinking, but that’s a key part of all genre fiction. True, but not in the same way. Horror typically reserves a big surprise for the end. The reveal of the monster. Science fiction lays out the surprise at the start, creating a new world for the reader. There may be smaller surprises throughout, but nothing like in a bizarro book.

A good bizarro book hits you with one surprise after the next, starting with titles like Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, The Haunted Vagina or, um, Dungeons & Drag Queens (winner of the Wonderland Book Award, by the way). Bizarro books are page-turners in the truest sense, because you could not possibly predict what will happen next.

The very best bizarro books come with strong characters that give readers someone or something to root for through all the twists and turns. The combination provides a reading experience unlike any other genre.

For more insight on the bizarro fiction genre and how I became part of it, check out my article, One Punk’s Guide to Bizarro Fiction.

2015: A Weird Year In Review

It’s that time of year when I start looking back and asking myself, “What the fuck did I do with my time?” Here’s the answer:

The Wonderland Book Award

Every fall, the Wonderland Book Award honors the best novel and best short story collection in the world of bizarro fiction. This year, Dungeons & Drag Queens won in the novel category! I’ve been writing my whole life, and it feels fantastic to get some validation that I’m doing something that other people enjoy.

Two New Books

I released my third and fourth books: the gory Cattle Cult! Kill! Kill! from StrangeHouse Books and Sick Pack from Bizarro Pulp Press.

Weirdpunk Books And Blood For You

My love of punk rock and weird fiction inspired me to form my own publishing company, Weirdpunk Books. I co-edited the debut, Blood for You: A Literary Tribute to GG Allin with Sam Richard. It was funded with a Kickstarter campaign and accompanied by a DIY zine called The Highest Power, which marked my first zine since the last issue of Freak Tension a few years ago.

A Shout Out From Publishers Weekly

Very few of my short stories made it out into the world this year. However, one of the ones that did got a lot of attention. The venerable Publishers Weekly reviewed Giallo Fantastique and gave a shout out to my story, “The Strange Vice of ZLA-313.”

Also, I accomplished a major goal. In December, my story “Love Skull” appeared in Dark Discoveries magazine. I’ve been reading that mag and submitting stories for most of its decade-plus run. It feels good to finally get a piece in those pages.

Bizarro Bash, Conventions And Readings

I set up and promoted my biggest event yet. Bizarro Bash, which corresponded with the annual AWP convention, was a massive success. Well over 150 people crammed into the back room of Grumpy’s Downtown to catch readings by myself and other bizarro writers. This was one of four events I ran this year.

I traveled all over the country for conventions like Texas Frightmare Weekend, Rock and Shock, Flashback Weekend and Crypticon. I lost track of how many cons I did. It’s always refreshing to sell books in person and just nerd out with fellow horror fans. I’m finding that one of the coolest things about this whole writing business is the friends I’m making along the way. Totally unexpected bonus!

Shirts

I had Bill Hauser design some MP Johnson shirts so people could show off their love of weird books (and my books in particular), and the craziest thing happened: People bought them and wore them!

Looking Forward

I don’t think I can top the Wonderland Book Award, but I’m already ahead in terms of books. The first half of 2016 will see the release of: Dinosaurs & Drag Queens from Eraserhead Press and Berzerkoids, my short story collection, from Bizarro Pulp Press. I’m hoping to release four books in 2016.

Weirdpunk Books will release its second book, Hybrid Moments: A Literary Tribute to the Misfits. It will be co-edited by myself and Sam Richard. Submissions are open now. We will probably run a Kickstarter in the fall.

I’m going to wrap up Freak Tension with a greatest hits zine collecting some of my favorites from the 15 issue run. Then I’m going to move into new zine territory with my as of yet untitled drag queen zine, which will tell of my misadventures in the world of drag and feature interviews with drag queens, reviews of drag shows, etc. I’m pretty psyched about it and hope it will become an annual thing.